that's it.
DUDE
MILK
It's milk, dude.
Fresh protein shakes blended to order by a dude named Andrew who takes exactly one thing seriously: what goes in the cup. 30 grams of protein. Real ingredients. No chemistry final on the label.
Six Flavors. Zero Apologies.
Every cup: 30g protein, around 250 calories, and ingredients you already have opinions about. Eight bucks each, because that's what it costs to do it right and Andrew refuses to do math twice.
The OG
Vanilla bean, oat milk, whey, a little honey. Like Andrew himself: dependable, a little sweet, zero surprises.
Chocolate Thunder
Double cocoa, sea salt, real maple. Named by Andrew's nephew. We do not refuse the nephew.
Strawberry Gains
Real strawberries, blended while you watch. The pink is fruit, dude. It was always supposed to be fruit.
Peanut Butter Handshake
Peanut butter, banana, honey. Firm. Honest. Sticks with you the rest of the day.
Cold Brew, Dude
Cold brew coffee and protein in one cup, because Andrew respects your schedule and your caffeine dependency.
The Green One
Matcha, banana, spinach you cannot taste. It's green. It's good for you. Don't ask questions.
What's In It. What's Not.
In the cup
- ✓ Whey protein isolate — the good kind, not the chalky kind
- ✓ Real fruit, blended while you watch
- ✓ Oat milk & whole milk, depending on the flavor
- ✓ Honey or maple — sugar you can picture
- ✓ Sea salt, cocoa, matcha, cold brew — flavor from flavor
Not in the cup
- ✗ Gums we can't pronounce
- ✗ Forty-seven ingredients (we counted a competitor's. it was forty-seven.)
- ✗ Neon dyes — strawberry isn't supposed to glow, dude
- ✗ "Proprietary blends" (that's just hiding)
- ✗ A 90-day shelf life. Yours gets made when you order it.
Who Is Andrew?
Andrew is a dude. He got tired of protein shakes that taste like drywall and read like a chemistry final, so he started making his own. Friends asked for some. Then friends of friends. Then a guy named Craig he'd never met. At some point you have to admit it's a business.
- Believes protein should taste like food, because it should be food.
- Will tell you exactly what's in every cup, in order, from memory.
- Charges eight bucks because that's the honest number. Not $7.99. Eight.
- Is aware the brand is called Dude Milk. He's at peace with it. Mostly.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it really milk?
It's a protein shake built on milk (or oat milk). So yes — milk, plus fruit, plus 30 grams of protein, minus everything that doesn't belong. The name is accurate. The name is the whole point.
Why eight dollars?
Real fruit and real protein cost real money. $8 is what it costs to make it right, pay Andrew for the morning, and keep the label honest. Cheaper shakes exist. Read their ingredients out loud and see how you feel.
Where's the trailer?
Medford, Oregon — posted up by the gym entrance. (Launch site being finalized; Andrew is out walking gym parking lots with a clipboard as we speak.) Peak hours: early mornings and the after-work rush, when you need us most.
Who is Andrew?
A dude. See the section above. He's the one in the trailer. Very approachable.
Is it healthy?
30g protein, around 250 calories, single-digit added sugar from honey or maple, ingredients you can picture in your head. We're not allowed to make health claims, dude, but you can read a label and form opinions. We believe in you.
Can I subscribe? Do you ship?
No shipping — it's blended fresh while you stand there, which is the entire point. Standing weekly orders with Andrew are absolutely a thing. That's the closest we get to "tech company."
Real talk: is Dude Milk a real company?
Not yet, dude. Dude Milk is a conceptual exercise in product building — a brand the Hands in Jars household built end to end (flavors, math, Andrew's whole deal) to practice making things people would actually want. There is no trailer by a gym entrance. The recipe thinking is real, the $8 honesty is real, and if this page made you thirsty, the exercise worked.
Find the Trailer. Get the Milk.
Dude Milk is blended to order from the trailer by the gym entrance in Medford — mornings and the after-work rush. Want a standing weekly order, or want the trailer at your gym? Tell Andrew. He's reliable like that.